


I Don't Feel Anything (Anymore)

by tinyspaceurl



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Mentions of Rape, Other, Unrequited Love, andrew's pov, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 10:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10695372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyspaceurl/pseuds/tinyspaceurl
Summary: A heavy scene from AFTG in Andrew's point of view.





	I Don't Feel Anything (Anymore)

“Is this how you stayed quiet?” Neil grabbed Andrew’s wrist, the grip tight and bruising, but neither man cared. He knew what Neil was talking about, and it made Andrew freeze. He kept the smile on his face, but he felt how fake it was.

“Did you do this so you wouldn't tell her the truth about her son?”

Andrew felt his stomach churning, his heart pounding in his ears. He'd had conversations similar to this over and over and felt nothing. For some reason, Neil was different. Andrew hated him for that.

“Maybe I did.”

“What were you trying to do, outlast him? He was a graduating senior intent on enlisting, right? All you had to do was hold out until graduation and then she would adopt you. So what went wrong?”

Andrew couldn't help letting something escape. His fingers tightened around Neil’s pretty throat until he heard his short breaths. He kept the hold until he felt Neil move, then slid his hand to the back of Neil’s neck until his mouth was against the taller man’s ear.

He couldn't shake his grin, he actually found joy in saying this, in maybe scaring Neil. As he spoke, he kept his voice low but let Neil know he was smiling.

“Drake deferred his enlistment,” Andrew whispered. “He wanted to make the most of his last summer with his baby brother. He even asked Cass if we could invite Aaron up for a couple weeks-” Andrew’s stomach clenched at the memory, a headache throbbing at his temples. “-so we could all meet. Cass left it up to me, but whenever she wasn't looking Drake tried talking me into it. He wanted to get both of us in the same place. He could imagine what we’d look like together in bed, he said. It’d be picture perfect.”

He felt Neil flinch and felt a sick joy rush through his veins. The smile was real now, knowing that he'd made Neil uncomfortable. 

•••

Andrew gazed down at Neil’s hand wrapped around his wrist, feeling slightly amused. This boy didn't have an inkling that Andrew liked him, that Neil made him feel things, even through the drugs. It was an astounding feat that nobody else had managed. 

He allowed the amusement to show on his face as he turned his gaze towards the slightly taller man. 

“Better luck next time, Neil,” he said. “I warned you once, didn't I? I don't feel anything.” Andrew tasted the lie on his tongue, but it faded soon enough. It always did.

“Anymore,” Neil said, barely a whisper and yet Andrew heard it as clearly as if he had shouted it.

Andrew grew hyper-aware of the scars lining his wrists, could practically feel them fresh again. The pain flooded through him and, even watered down by the drugs, it stung. 

Andrew felt Neil finally let go of him and let his hand drop limply to his side. Instead of showing Neil how he felt - he hadn't done that in years - he gave an exaggerated shrug and spun on his heel. 

He felt Neil’s eyes burning into him as he walked inside, but didn't look back.


End file.
